DoulaWise

There’s an interesting article written last week on CNN where they interviewed a labor and delivery nurse. The article talks about advocating for yourself in labor and mentions hiring “the right doula for you.” The nurse has a phenomenal approach to individual birth spaces, and I loved her candor when she spoke about having the right support team. But it got me thinking: how would someone who has never heard of a doula prior to being pregnant, or maybe knows only a little about doulas be able to pick the right doula for them? Aside from the energy exchange, what does the right support person look like for you?

Questions to Ask:

Asking pointed questions and watching body language will help you figure out if the doula you’re interviewing is the right one for you. But what are the questions you should be asking? It’s important that the questions you ask help you discern whether the people in the room trust you, and respect not only your birth choices, but who you are as a person. Some ideas for asking could be:

1. Do you support (my chosen style) births?
2. How do you support (my chosen style) birth?
3. Do you offer education on other styles of birth?
4. How will you help me prepare for birth?
5. How do you feel about (most feared/least desired style) births?
6. Will you advocate for my choices on birthing and feeding my baby?
7. What additional services do you provide?
8. What are your feelings about (cultural or religious custom/practice/tradition) at the birth?

Is your interviewee a religious/non-religious person? Are they steeped in customs and traditions or alternately, completely put off by them? Will they be offended by your practices or desire to forego the customs they have? Will they continue to offer care in the postpartum period? Are they supportive of your decisions on lactation and supplemental or formula feedings? Do they agree/disagree with your lifestyle choices in a way that could affect their care for you? (Using the right pronouns, not judging your marital status or care choices for your baby, for instance.) Judging by the energy they present; do you feel they bring judgement or partiality into the birthing space? Do you feel they truly believe in your birth choices?

Things to Look Out For:

You want to be on the watch for things that may indicate they’re over-promising, overly confident, or simply wanting your business, even if you’re not quite the right fit for them. What does that look like?

1. They promise (or guarantee) you the birth of your dreams.
2. They stiffen when they talk about your ideal birth.
3. They talk about birth preparation as though it’s completely unnecessary.
4. They seem to try to coerce you into believing that their ideal birth scenario is okay and that you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t get your ideal one. (Saying things like, “Not having that cesarean you think you want isn’t the worst thing,” or “It’s okay if you don’t get an epidural. It means you were able to do it without it!” or “Having an epidural isn’t a bad thing. It will help your labor go smoothly.”)
5. They don’t use evidence-based information.
6. They bristle at your pronouns or family make-up.
7. Something just feels off.

It’s important to interview more than one doula. Even if you feel that the first doula you interview is “the one” for you, getting a sense of what other doulas provide, finding the person who brings to the birth space what you are looking for, and maybe what you didn’t realize you wanted until you met them, is so important for the best energy in your birth setting. Maybe they have a tool they use at birth that you hadn’t thought of but would love to implement. Maybe the next doula has this hands-off approach or a quiet spirit that your first interviewee didn’t have.

Thinking About Your Safe Birth Space

Who should be the “loudest presence” in the room? You? Your partner? Your provider? The nurse? Your doula? Who should carry the most energy? Do you want a doula who is deferring to you for everything or one that has the ideas and tips and tricks or someone somewhere in between? Do you want to have someone who knows a lot and wants to share it, or do you want someone who listens to you and perhaps doesn’t suggest anything without being asked to do so? These things matter when it comes to supporting your birth. For instance, I’m a force, I’m loud, I’m informed, constantly educating myself on different aspects of birth and baby related topics, but my ideal doula is one that does things without a lot of talking and might quietly suggest something if what I’m doing isn’t working, or if I ask her for suggestions, though I and my doula are both no-nonsense, not beating around the bush kind of doulas. My clients are educated people who want more education and want someone with a mothering presence that I don’t want in my birth space.

What about you? Build your ideal doula in your mind. What qualities does that person possess? How do they treat everyone in the room? What are your expectations? Look for someone who fits that, or blows that idea away with how much better their presence is.